[He appreciates Billy trying, that's all. He knows for a fact that it isn't easy to do. Turning his head, he presses a kiss to Billy's head as he settles them back on the ground, just outside the apartment.]
I think that was my fault... I mean, I know I didn't make him cheat, B. But from the sounds of it, you were both well on your way to getting married and settling here forever and then I just-- showed up. He didn't want me to be part of the picture, not that close at least.
[And he'd been hopeful maybe he could get closer to Loki, that maybe he could have a place, but...] Cheating's on him, but I was the one who backed down on staying away from you.
[But how could he say no when Billy was the man he loved more than anything? When he'd have been so desperately lost... and Billy seemed to want him back? He lets out a breath.]
Not that it matters now, I guess. Even if I went home tomorrow, Loki still did something horrible to you and there's no excuse.
Thinking about it isn't going to get us anywhere, T. ( even if billy also wants to do that. sit and think about all the things he could have done, should have done, would have, if he had known. ) It doesn't matter why he did it. Hell, it doesn't even matter that he did it--it's the being dishonest about it part.
( with teddy's feet back on the ground billy starts squirming to get himself down, too. back onto solid ground. )
Loki didn't talk to me. Not once, about any of this. Not until I brought up getting married. I don't care about his reasons. All I asked for was the truth when it came to us. And he couldn't manage that, so.
[He helps Billy back down to the ground, shifting his form away from Hulkling as he starts to lead the way inside.]
I guess so... yeah. [Teddy feels shaken again, like the rug has been pulled out from under his feet the same way as when he first arrived here and he realized Billy had moved on with someone else.
He's angry at Loki for lying to both of them when he could have been honest from the start, they could have figured out what to do to fix things...
Part of him is back to wondering if he's really enough, now that apparently Loki is out of the picture, but it's not right to put that on Billy right now, or anything else for that matter. He draws in a breath, tries to push all that down in favor of focusing on Billy. He's-- better at that after all. He prefers that.]
Come on, you're right. Thinking about it right now isn't going to do anything. Let's-- try to find something else to think about, okay? Anything. Maybe we can put in some dumb action movie and turn out brains off for a bit, right? Might be better...
( low, quiet as he follows after teddy. there wasn't a chance to shut down before, but they're getting close. close to back inside where it's safe, close to where he can just let himself turn off for a little while. not--not forever. not even for long.
but god, just enough to try and recenter himself would be nice. a little room to breathe. to think about what's going on, what happened, where he's supposed to go from here. loki has been a large part of his life in riverview, and honestly. . he doesn't know where to go from here anymore. )
[Right now, he just focuses on getting Billy inside their apartment. Once there, he guide him towards the bedroom -- maybe they can just sprawl out for a while.]
C'mon, B. Stretch out for a while, okay? I'll handle dinner in a bit or something. Whatever you want.
We can order in Chinese or something, if you want.
( something simple and fast that doesn't require cooking. god, billy can't cook. he's so used to eating whatever loki puts down now--not that they can't survive on their own, but. )
I wanted to take him home with us. I knew it was going to take a while to convince him to come, but. .
( it was still in his book of plans, something billy wanted to get to. with his arms wrapped tight around teddy's own, head tilting to rest his cheek against a shoulder. )
I pictured it in my head. You, me, him--standing in that nice apartment with the amazing view. Bringing the YA back together, having house parties. . you know, between all the crazy stuff that happens. I really, really wanted it to work out. He told me earlier, how he didn't think he'd ever gotten to be this happy in any other universe. But if he was really happy, why would he do that?
[He knew Billy had so much planned, so much he'd been looking forward to -- and Teddy had been too, if he's honest.]
I wish I could say, B. Loki is good at self-sabotage, right? I don't know if it's that, or if he's just a really good liar. We can-- still have all that. The apartment, the group back together... It might be missing one element, but... I don't know what we can do about that, really. That wasn't exactly a little white lie...
( it's one missing element but it's one billy has spent a lot of time getting used to. enjoying. loki is a piece of shit a lot of the time, but he was billy's piece of shit. then his and teddy's, or so he'd thought. weight slumping into teddy, billy lets out a breath. tries to relax a little. )
I'm pissed, but I--still don't want to leave him here, but I can't take him home if I can't trust him.
[He lifts his hand to brush through Billy's hair carefully, brushing it away from his face. He'd hoped Loki would keep that no-lying promise, honestly... at least to Billy.]
You can't really force him to go though... and he doesn't seem to want to leave, right?
( fingers in his hair always feel great. billy's leaning into the touch, mildly comforted by the physical affection. teddy is amazing, especially at handling what a mess he is. note to self: make sure to give teddy some awesome amazing boyfriend gift after he's done dealing with this. )
Sorry, I was just--thinking of it. But we'll figure it out. And I can't take him back anymore, anyway. . A little white lie I could work around, but not this.
( not this. not after all they've been through. )
You're enough. You've always been enough. This doesn't change anything between us.
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analienprince) wrote2018-06-03 01:54 am
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I think that was my fault... I mean, I know I didn't make him cheat, B. But from the sounds of it, you were both well on your way to getting married and settling here forever and then I just-- showed up. He didn't want me to be part of the picture, not that close at least.
[And he'd been hopeful maybe he could get closer to Loki, that maybe he could have a place, but...] Cheating's on him, but I was the one who backed down on staying away from you.
[But how could he say no when Billy was the man he loved more than anything? When he'd have been so desperately lost... and Billy seemed to want him back? He lets out a breath.]
Not that it matters now, I guess. Even if I went home tomorrow, Loki still did something horrible to you and there's no excuse.
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( with teddy's feet back on the ground billy starts squirming to get himself down, too. back onto solid ground. )
Loki didn't talk to me. Not once, about any of this. Not until I brought up getting married. I don't care about his reasons. All I asked for was the truth when it came to us. And he couldn't manage that, so.
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I guess so... yeah. [Teddy feels shaken again, like the rug has been pulled out from under his feet the same way as when he first arrived here and he realized Billy had moved on with someone else.
He's angry at Loki for lying to both of them when he could have been honest from the start, they could have figured out what to do to fix things...
Part of him is back to wondering if he's really enough, now that apparently Loki is out of the picture, but it's not right to put that on Billy right now, or anything else for that matter. He draws in a breath, tries to push all that down in favor of focusing on Billy. He's-- better at that after all. He prefers that.]
Come on, you're right. Thinking about it right now isn't going to do anything. Let's-- try to find something else to think about, okay? Anything. Maybe we can put in some dumb action movie and turn out brains off for a bit, right? Might be better...
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( low, quiet as he follows after teddy. there wasn't a chance to shut down before, but they're getting close. close to back inside where it's safe, close to where he can just let himself turn off for a little while. not--not forever. not even for long.
but god, just enough to try and recenter himself would be nice. a little room to breathe. to think about what's going on, what happened, where he's supposed to go from here. loki has been a large part of his life in riverview, and honestly. . he doesn't know where to go from here anymore. )
Later, we can go and punch him.
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C'mon, B. Stretch out for a while, okay? I'll handle dinner in a bit or something. Whatever you want.
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( something simple and fast that doesn't require cooking. god, billy can't cook. he's so used to eating whatever loki puts down now--not that they can't survive on their own, but. )
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[Or anything, really, if it means he doesn't feel so... useless and helpless to help Billy.]
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( with a gentle lean in to teddy, shifting back to wrap both arms around one of the other's own. )
But takeout might be easier?
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You're amazing. And okay-- we'll order out.
[He nudges at Billy lightly.]
You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever is on your mind...
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( it was still in his book of plans, something billy wanted to get to. with his arms wrapped tight around teddy's own, head tilting to rest his cheek against a shoulder. )
I pictured it in my head. You, me, him--standing in that nice apartment with the amazing view. Bringing the YA back together, having house parties. . you know, between all the crazy stuff that happens. I really, really wanted it to work out. He told me earlier, how he didn't think he'd ever gotten to be this happy in any other universe. But if he was really happy, why would he do that?
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[He knew Billy had so much planned, so much he'd been looking forward to -- and Teddy had been too, if he's honest.]
I wish I could say, B. Loki is good at self-sabotage, right? I don't know if it's that, or if he's just a really good liar. We can-- still have all that. The apartment, the group back together... It might be missing one element, but... I don't know what we can do about that, really. That wasn't exactly a little white lie...
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( it's one missing element but it's one billy has spent a lot of time getting used to. enjoying. loki is a piece of shit a lot of the time, but he was billy's piece of shit. then his and teddy's, or so he'd thought. weight slumping into teddy, billy lets out a breath. tries to relax a little. )
I'm pissed, but I--still don't want to leave him here, but I can't take him home if I can't trust him.
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You can't really force him to go though... and he doesn't seem to want to leave, right?
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( fingers in his hair always feel great. billy's leaning into the touch, mildly comforted by the physical affection. teddy is amazing, especially at handling what a mess he is. note to self: make sure to give teddy some awesome amazing boyfriend gift after he's done dealing with this. )
Sorry, I was just--thinking of it. But we'll figure it out. And I can't take him back anymore, anyway. . A little white lie I could work around, but not this.
( not this. not after all they've been through. )
You're enough. You've always been enough. This doesn't change anything between us.
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[He keeps up the motions, watching as Billy seems to enjoy it, relax a little bit even. He lets out a short sigh at the reassurance.]
I'm just-- sorry, that's all. You've always been enough for me too, B.
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( clearly that's not as important right now as getting hairpets though. thank you, teddy, for knowing just what he needed. )
But that's not on you.